A moment of reflection

Tomorrow is my last day of my first student teaching placement.

How is that even possible? I swear just yesterday I was panicking about what my first day might bring.

I've been bad about blogging. Not because there was nothing to say - TRUST ME there's been plenty. It's just these last weeks have been so busy and so intense that my ability to sit with it, and come to some sort of conclusion has been compromised.

Now that I'm in my last week I'm beginning to digest, and I have lots of lessons and images to share, so in the coming weeks I will be posting more. I promise. In fact I'm finally getting a break so I can start getting some of this info up and out there to share, which was part of the reason to do this in the first place.

First graders illustrating their "Sky Color" projects - based on the book Sky Color by Peter Reynolds.

While I am sure many more things will come to me in the coming days and weeks, a few observations have come to light that I thought might be worth sharing.

For anyone just tuning in, I am currently working in an urban public K-8 school that serves a population heavily dominated by immigrants from war torn countries. A very large percentage of my students speak little or no english and the majority of them live in severe poverty and/or less than ideal family situations (which is me being incredibly generous). The issues facing the teachers in my school are too many to name.

A lot of my kids have seen unspeakable things happen, in their home countries or the homes they have here. It only follows that many of them also have serious discipline issues. 

First grade "Sky Color" project - based on the book Sky Color by Peter Reynolds. 

My favorite part is the "Ha Ha I'm hungry!

My kids are "at risk" in every way possible. They resist authority every chance they get, and listening to the teacher is consider totally "uncool." So it should come as no surprise that I have heard "I don't give a #%&! what you think" more than once.

In point of fact a sixth grade girl, in response to me telling her to quit messing around and line up with the rest of her class, said to me "Who do you think you are? Come out of nowhere and try to tell me what to do?!"

At first, and for awhile, I was pretty ticked off about it. 

Now that I'm leaving I've seen a very different side of the story. These kids expect to be left, they always have been, so why would I be any different?

I know, that I really care about these kids, and I know, that if I could I wouldn't leave them. But how does she know that? She knows I'm only there for 8 weeks, and then I'll be gone. So while her behavior is not acceptable - it can still be understood. 

This week has been all about goodbyes for me. Many of them broke my heart, but there were of course are a few kids I'm not so sad to no longer have responsibility for. In particular there is a 5th grade group that has been nothing but trouble since day one. 

So, I wasn't feeling so sad as they left class today. Until a couple of girls came up to me after class to ask me why I was leaving. I explained that in order to get the "piece of paper" that says I can work with kids their age, I have to go work at two different schools. One of them widened her eyes and said "can't you just quit so you can stay here?!"

So, I guess the moral of this story is to not let these things get to you - or at least don't let it show. It seldom ever is about you at all.